Five months ago I thought I had everything figured out. I had been enjoying the past 10 months of my new-found independence and I was ready to step away from high school and venture into the world of work and college. I thought if I worked hard I would fulfil all of my plans, and all my dreams, then I would be successful. Life was busy, but I was right on schedule with where I wanted to be. Or so I thought.
I am not the author of my life, but sometimes I act like I am. No matter how much you plan, you dream, you hope…you cannot control your circumstances and you cannot completely plan out your future (proverbs 19:21). That’s because the unexpected can happen.
The unexpected DOES happen.
And when it does, it comes like a tidal wave, it shakes you down to your knees and flips your world upside down.
Lately, things haven’t been going the way I’ve planned but I have a choice: I could play the victim and use it as a convenient excuse not to do good things, or I could grasp God’s waiting hand and allow the wave to make me stronger.
I had already known that God was in control and all-powerful, but I had yet to feel His wonderful peace. Yes, in the middle of all of my seizures, memory problems, confusion, and appointments…I have peace. I have been learning how to lean on God as my anchor: trusting Him with all of my fears, my frustrations, and especially with all of the unknowns.
The past year and a half have changed me. I’ve had both: the best days of my life and the worst, but I don’t think I would change it. The things going on in my brain really do just stink to go through and deal with, but I have hope, and I believe that God has an amazing plan for my life and the problems I’m going through right now are a part of that plan. I will just hold on to my anchor until the waves have passed.